Meow Mix presents Zodiac Food Adventures
by band geeks are hot
Summary: HI! This is a sequel to Meow Mix this time featuring the other Zodiac members and their issues with their favorite food! Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

HI! Due to some reviews, I'm making more zodiac food adventures! Nowwwwwww featuring the beginning chapter with Yuki!

Warning : OOC due to silliness/ randomness

Disclaimer : i dont own it...

Sometimes, Tohru wonders why she only worries about Kyo's habits when it came to meow mix when it seemed like almost everyone from the Zodiac family had issues with their favortie foods. Example #1 : Yuki Sohma

It was a normal day for Tohru, as she was shopping for groceries for supper. Yuki, being the gentleman he was, decided to join her. Tohru didn't mind, in fact, she rather enjoyed his company. But with what to come, maybe she would reconsider shopping with Yuki.

They were shopping in one of the aisles, Yuki right by Tohru's side. That is, until he caught sight of the one thing in the world that makes Yuki happy, if not, crazy. His passion. His joy. His one true weakness. CHEESE. Yes, it was Kraft's Single's American cheese packet, and Yuki couldn't look away. He was mesmerised by the looks, the shape, the smell, which he could detect inside the plastic wrap. Obviously Tohru didn't notice the deliciously edible cheese, since she kept going by, pushing the cart. However, Yuki remained rooted to that spot and didn't move an inch. He stared at the lonely little packet longingly, with a bit of drool coming from his mouth.

He couldn't help it! The cheese was so...irresistable! The way it's color shines out in a bright gold, the way it melts into your mouth when first bitten, especially when warm, and the way it tastes more enjoyable with each and every bite! Yes, Yuki had gone mad within that second, in his lust and hunger for that Kraft's Single's American Cheese. The Prince Yuki had disappeared, and now an insane cheese loving rat man had taken his place. Cheese was truly his master. And it was so lonely! Yuki's sanity was completely gone for the moment as his mouth curled into a maniacal grin, as he looked crazily for the one woman who can buy this magical dairy product.

"HONDA SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" came the cry from the poor rat. Tohru had little time to turn around before she met Yuki's crazed expression inches away from her own.

'Don't tell me he saw the cheese packet again!' Tohru thought. But alas, it was too late when he came to that grocery store, and saw the wonderful cheese.

"WE...MUST...BUY...THE CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!" Yuki screamed out, trying with all his might to speak in sentences with comprehendable words. By now, onlookers stared at the young teen, with high hopes that it was not THE Yuki Sohma that always came here to harass anyone in the store that had anything at all do with the cheese in the frozen dairy aisle. But, it WAS THE Yuki Sohma that was standing before them, standing there like a wild animal, and if ou looked close enough a little foam came out of his mouth.

"CHEESE HONDA SAN! WE MUST BUY THE CHEEEEEESE!" He yelled, shaking poor Tohru back and forth.

"A-a-ah Yuki kun! I'll g-get you the cheese. J-j-just calm down, take deep breaths in and out in and out." It was more like she was speaking to herself, because she was the only one breathing, while Yuki ran back to where the precious cheese was sitting.

Alas, there was a poor fool who didn't know about THE Yuki Sohma who harassed anyone in the store that had anything at all do with the cheese in the frozen dairy aisle. He was shopping for his small hungry family.

'Hmm, my dauhter Abagail loves grilled cheese. So, I'll just get a new packet of cheese since we're running out.' he thought as he reached out for the very cheese packet that Yuki had been gaznig at for the past five minutes.

He didn't know that his kind gesture had it in for him, but by then it was too late for him.  
Like whiplash, Yuki grabbed the arm of the surprised man, and threw him all the way across the aisle with an eerie battle cry by the sound of "HYAAAAAAGAWANCHIKYAAGAAANYAAAAAAA!"

At this point, Yuki was running around flipping people in a frenzy. Screams were heard, and an unknown fire had emerged while Yuki was on his ranting rage. You could hear the screams of someone yelling "MY LEG! MY LEG!" but most people didn't pay attention.

Tohru was terrified, but she had grown accostomed to this after the last 1,512 times this happened. Yet, everytime there was something different in each fiasco, excluding the fire that always showed up from nowhere. Quickly, Tohru ran to the cheese, grabbed the packet, and thrwe it into the cart with a triumphant look on her face.

"THERE WE GO!" Yuki looked at Tohru with a dazed expression on his face. He looked at Tohru then to the cheese then back to Tohru again. Suddenly the fire seemed to stop, people stopped screaming, and the foam in Yuki's mouth disappeared. Gone was the crazed maniacal lokk on Yuki's face, yet a small peaceful smile replaced it. Yuki's eyes had soften and it looked like the Prince returned. How girls created a fan club of him Tohru was unsure of. Well, then again, no one else from the school shopped with Yuki (exceptions of family of course).

As Tohru paid for the groceries, she began apologizing to the manager standing next to the cashier woman... AGAIN. He gave her an angry yet sympathetic look, imagining what went on in that house with THE Yuki Sohma around. Both the manager and the cashier woman stared at Yuki like he was the plaugue and made sure to keep distance from him. As she and Yuki walked peacefully out of the store, Tohru blessed the manager for not kicking them out and never letting them come back.

The other 15 grocery stores did, and this was the last one witin the town area.

Hi all! Hoped you all liked this! NExt one up is : Example # 2 Shigure Sohma! Bless Tohru -.-, and pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase review or I'll tell Yuki you have chhese in your house and he'll raid yur fridge! No joke!

Yuki : DID I HEAR CHEESE?  
me : no you heard BEES Yuki : oh...(walks away)

REVIEW PLEASE 


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! sorry for the lateness but I was busy! i had oral surgery and my tooth hurts lots. oh well heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's chapter two! 

Disclaimer : i doona own it

Warning : OOC for silliness hehe and might be long and boring

Tohru continued to wonder about the Zodiac members and their crazy food obsessions. Then she realized that she forgot one of the most important cases. Example #2 : Shigure Sohma.

Tohru had problems with Yuki and Kyo, but when she could always count on Shigure to be the calm responsible adult in the house, she never stood a chance against him When it came to his favorite food : **BACON.**

Surprising, she always thought Shigure liked bones and treats best, but then again all he did was bury them bones and hide the treats until he forgotten where they were. But no, Shigure's love of food was based on his love for **BACON**. He loved it with a passion that burned of a thousand suns, and even the slightest whiff could send him off to dreamland...or in most cases, crazy town, where Tohru has to lie to the men in white so they won't put Shigure away in the box (if you know what I mean). It's quite a shock actually for a man with such charisma could fall prey to animal instincts for a product made of pig. (Then again Shigure wouldn't eat bacon in front of Kagura unless he WANTED to be pummelled into oblivion). Sad but true. Yet poor Tohru had to learn his passion for bacon the hard way when she was making breakfast.

Tohru was in the kitchen humming a little song to herself as she prepared breakfast for her and Shigure. Yuki was away due to Student Council meetings, and Kyo was at the dojo, so it only her and Shigure...poor girl. Tohru decided to try cooking eggs with a side dish of bacon. She didn't know what was coming to her.

Shigure was ACTUALLY working on his manuscrpit for once in his life since he was too bored with torturing his editor, Mit-chan, and was doing pretty well until IT happened. He thought he smelled IT, but he shook it off. Then he smelt IT again, this time taking off his glasses. He slowly stood up from his desk and walked in a daze towards the kitchen. He stumbled on the way there, still too much in shock of what was happening. IT was the one thing that Shigure loved more than Ayaa and Akito combined! IT was the smell of **BACONNNNNNNNNNNNN!** He ran to Tohru, grabbing her by the shoulders (like in volume 7 when he told her to get a new swimsuit), with suddenly bloodshot eyes saying,

**"NOW. YOU NEED TO FINISH COOKING THE BACON RIGHT NOW."** Tohru was baffled at Shigure's behavior, but a little more time was all that was needed until realization dawned on Tohru's face.

_'No...NOT SHIGURE TOO!'_ Tohru wailed, already flasbacking to Yuki and the cheese, and Kyo with the meow mix, but it's time she had a new adventure.

**"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME TOHRU? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU! YOU NEED TO FINISH RIGHT NOOOOOOW!"** Shigure yelled, shaking Tohru back and forth, his yelling making drool fly from his mouth onto Tohru's face.

"SHIGURE PLEASE LET GO SO I CAN FINISH!" Tohru wailed, trying to get away from Shigure.

At that moment Shigure let go of Tohru, and bent down on his knees watching Tohru cook. He waited, and from time to time, his hand slowly starteed to reach for the bacon, when his hand was immediately smacked away by Tohru's spatula.

But it was only moments away that Tohru would finish. She delicately put the bacon on a plate, ever so slowly that she would have a chance to escape before having to witness Shigure's gorging. Tohru took a step back, and the ran out of the room. Did Shigure notice? No. He was too busy gazing at the bacon, not knowing when to strike.

...It didn't take him long. He grabbed the plate and ferociously chewed, crunched, and choked on the poor little bacon strips. He ate every last morsel...and just when it seemed to be over, Shigure reached for the frying pan and licked all the bacon grease off of the pan. From the other side of the room Tohru wacthed in horror as Shigure continued his bacon episode. But then Tohru realized her terrible mistake of not showering after cooking the food. _She still smelled like bacon_. She ran off upstairs, locking her door hoping that Shigure hadn't figured that fact out.

Shigure was just about done, when he realized something. There was a small piece of bacon lying on the table! At that moment, Kyo happened to walk in after his rough training at the dojo.

_'Man I'm starving. Ah well I'll take this litle bacon on the table. Wonder where Tohru is.'_ Ignoring Shigure, Kyo reached for the little bacon strip. Poor Kyo didn't stand a chance. In that instant Shigure growled and lunged for Kyo, biting his arm.

"AAAAH! SHIGURE GET THE HELL OFF ME YOU SICK FREAK!"

Shigure replied with a growl and a bark, before snatching the bacon away from Kyo, and running off to the far side of the kitchen to eat his delicious bacon strip. Kyo continued to curse at Shigure and left the room steaming. Kyo then started to worry about Tohru since she didn't show yet. But to his surprise, he found her looking out her door in the hall way, looking both ways with a scared look on her face.

"Tohru what's wro-AHHH" Tohru immediately pulled Kyo inside her room, before locking her room once again.

"Tohru what the hell is going on?"

"Kyo is Shigure still downstairs?" She asked rubbing her arms in a nervous state.

"Yeah, and that bastard went pyscho on me for no reason and he bit me! What the hell happened Tohru?"

"Did you try to take his bacon?"

"Uh yeah I did, but what does bacon have to-" It was then that Kyo started to catch on.

"So I understand that Shigure started to go crazy for bacon, but why are you hiding? I'm sure it won't be that bad since he's nice to you."

"Kyo I made the bacon. The scent is still on me! W-w-what if Shigure is still hungry? HE'LL EAT ME! AND YOUR HAND SMELLS LIKE BACON TOO NOW! WE HAVE TO STAY INSIDE! OR RUSH TO THE SHOWER! THE FACT IS I NOR YOU CAN'T GO OUTSIDE THIS DOOR KYO!"

Kyo was mad at Shigure, confused at Tohru, and most of all : **He was hungry.** So he decided to take this into his own hands. He walked to the door and faced Tohru.

"Tohru I think Shigure is out of it by now, but if you need me, I'll escort you to the bathroom okay?"

"B-b-but what if Shigure is out there? What if he can smell me?"

"Tohru", he started as he unlocked the door, " I'm pretty sure Shigure isn't going to be outside," He said as he opened the door. But to his surprise, when he opened the door, there was Shigure in a wolf-stance reading to attack when Kyo slammed the door in his face screaming his head off. The two heard growls in the back of the door. They died down, but Kyo and Tohru were still wary.

"Uhm, okay, I see your point Tohru, here's the plan. We just stay in here and don't move. Either that or we can sneak out the window and run screaming like turkeys to the next house hold and ask to use their bathroom. If not we just have to break in with this." Kyo grabbed Tohru's hairbrush and held it for her to see.

"Kyo? That's a hairbrush."

"EXACTLY!" Kyo yelled with triumph. "ONE, WE CAN BREAK THROUGH A WINDOW WITH THIS! AND TWO, SHIGURE HATES STYLING HIS HAIR!"

"How do you know that?"

"Don't ask, a long story that includes biting, scratching, and the landing of a hair sylist in a hospital."

"Oh...mmkay, so let's try the door first!"

"WAAAAAIT!" Kyo yelled.

"What?" Tohru thought that Kyo had something important to say...

"GIVE ME** MEOW MIX** AFTERWORDS!" well, important to HIM.

"Will you sing?"

"Maybe... ...maybe not."

"FINE DEAL!"

"Okay!" With that Kyo slowly walked to the door, hairbrush in hand, unlocking the door with one hand, opening the door. At first e saw nothing, but when he stepped out, Shigure charged at him, landing on Kyo.

"AAAHHHHH TOHRU HELP! HELP!" Tohru ran to the otherside of her room, grabbing her trusty umbrella, then ran to Shigure repeatedly whacking Shigure with it. Shigure then ran out of the room then Kyo quickly locked the door, his back to the door breathing quite heavily.

"Okay...(_pant pant_) ...we try plan B (_pant pant_)."

"Agreed!" The duo raced to the window as banging and thrashing were heard on the other side of the door. Kyo opened the window and jumped first, not being the gentleman he usualyy was to Tohru. So Tohru jumped down next as they raced to the other house. But sadly, nobody was home and Kyo forgot the hairbrush. And at that moment, Shigure ran back out, gunning for the poor teens.

"BACK TO THE HOUSE!" Kyo yelled as they took off for their home. But in their rush they forgot to lock the door, meaning Shigure got back inside. They ran back upstairs, this time grabbing spatulas and forks, with pots on their heads for protection. They didn't actually comprehend the fact that they could have used a knife against him and made him run away. Nor did they comprehend that one of the spatulas had bacon grease on it, meaning Shigure had more to go after. But up they ran, battling Shigure away with their forks, and locked the door they did...well...until they realized the door lock was broken after being used too much but their backs to the door seemed to help. Bangs were heard on the door as well as howls and barks. Kyo and Tohru had their back to the door, fearing for their life. At times, Kyo would yell "CHARGE!", and battles would resume. "BACK! BACK YOU HORRIBLE BEAST!" Kyo would yell while taking blows at Shigure. But then Kyo lost his spatula, and he screamed like a little girl and ran back to Tohru's room, followed by Tohru. And then they just sat there, backs to the door blocking Shigure from coming in as he banged, and thrashed at the door (making noises too). This continued for many hours into the night.

Yuki had just come home after a loooooooooooooooooooooong meeting after a looooooooong day.

_'I knew I shouldn't have been swayed to stay longer at the meeting. But they fooled me into staying with cheese...BUT IT WAS **CHEESE!'**_

Yuki walked in to find the house dark and somewhat empty and creepy.

"Hello? Anyone home?" Yuki walked upstairs where he saw a weird yet familiar creature by Tohru's door.

"Shigure? Why are you at Honda San's door? Don't tell me she's wearing a thong again!"

But in reality Tohru was wearing Hanes briefs.

"Kyo why do I have this feeling that Yuki thinks I have a thong on?"

"I don't know...or care for that matter...but do you?"

"NO!" Tohru smacked Kyo with her greasy spatula.

Shigure growled at Yuki. Yuki only stood there emotionless and went downstairs. When he came back up, he waved something around so Shigure could see. In an instant, Shigure returned to his old perverted self. Only this time he was like a happy dog.

"You see this boy? Go get it!" Yuki said as he flung the thing back into Shigure's office.

Kyo and Tohru heard Shigure leaving and backed up hiding underneath the bed with their heads poking out when they heard the door knock.

"Honda San? Is everything alright?"

"Yuki? Your not dead nor eaten? Uhm, come in I guess?"

Yuki opened the door and was surprised to see the little 5 year old postition they were in.

"What are you doing?"

"HIDING FROM SHIGURE BUT DAMMIT RAT BOY HOW THE HELL DID YOU SCARE HIM OFF AND LIVE?"

"Honda San there was bacon involved in this wasn't there?" Tohru nodded and Yuki slapped his forehead. "Not again."

"THIS HAPPENED BEFORE?" Tohru schreeched.

"Too many times to count. But this house is plenty armed against him."

"Really? With what? What did you use to make him go away?"

They waited for his answer as if it could save their lives...meaning for next time if a terrible case such as this happens again. It got real quiet and the other two were anticipating. And they held their breath as Yuki opened his lips to say...!

"Porn." Yuki said as it was the most obvious thing in the world. He walked away, obviously going to bed.

It was then that Tohru and Kyo had a newfound respect for porn. So far as to stealing one from a perverted ninja sensei in order to learn its mystical ways to defend themselves from Shigure, lest this happens again.

(somewhere far away) ----------------------------------------

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"What is it Kakashi Sensei?"

"NARUTO SOMEBODY STOLE MY **ICHA ICHA PARADISE BOOK!"**

-------------------------------------------------------------

But that's a different story.

But it was only then that Kyo realized something important when he went to bed that night. Something he should have realized a few hours ago...

**"TOHRU I NEVER GOT MY MEOW MIX!"**

Hi! hoped ya'll liked it even though it was real long and probably boring. Actually when I was frst typing this I wasn't really expecting to make it this long, nor did I think of Kyo and Tohru hiding from him either. Hmmm...maybe I should make a story of HOW kyo and tohru got the book...hmmm Nah lol, anyway I'm sorry it took so long! Next up, Kagura. What secret food does she lust after? You'll see...But, oh, well hope you all enjoyed it! Ok Ja Ne!


	3. Chapter 3

**Heya! I'm back and let the torture-I MEAN FANFICTION- begin!  
(gets a few stares)  
Uh...okay...ANYWAY this time this chapter is about Kagura!**

**Also if you haven't realized by now cause I didn't tell you, the foods are based on the animal of their zodiac and it'll go in the order of when Tohru meets them.**

**Disclaimer : I dont ow-wn Fruits Basket, nope nope not at allll so in case if someone sues, I know it's not my faulllt! (imagine yankee doodle tune)**

**Warning : OOC for silliness and extremely short. And half of it involves an OC who might last only one chapter depending on your votes.  
Yes.  
I'm holding a poll.  
I'll explain at the end of the chapter.**

**HAPPY READING!**

Tohru pondered the next day of other Zodiac members' sick obsessions with certain foods. Then she remembered about the next Sohma that came into her life, who also had a weird issue with food : Example #3 Kagura Sohma.

Tohru didn't expect this from Kagura. Nope. Not at **all.**

Tohru and Kagura went to a fair for a girls day out. There were rides, games, and most importantly, food stands. Well of course there would be foodstands because it was a Vegetable holiday fair. No one knew when exactly they started to celebrate it but many believed t was centuries ago when it was the era of sliced bread. Tohru and Kagura were having a great time, and they started to get hungry so they were looking for a good food stand. And upon sighting one, Kagura charged towards it, pushing away every living or non living organism in her path. She raced to the stand and continued to assault the standsman until she got the A-OK to receive what she desired.

"CORN...DELICIOUS CORN...ALL MIIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE _MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_!"

Tohru slowly caught up, panting for breath. She then looked at the sign for which Kagura was practically close to assasinating for : **CORN!** **Cobbled Corn, buttered, cooked, or raw**. Tohru felt sympathy for the owner of the stand. But then she started to blanche as she realized this was another one of the Sohma food habits. She tried desperately to stop Kagura from chomping a guy's head off because he 'glared' at her.

"Kagura...please calm down!"

Kagura's eyes turned red and gave Tohru the look of death. Tohru then ran away. She came back though, in hopes to restrain Kagura from causing mass destruction...

"BACK AWAY VILLANOUS THIEVES! THE CORN IS MINE, MINE YOU HEAR ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA"  
Kagura then proceeded to beat random people who looked in her direction, and then everyone started to run around like maniacs. A random Priest started to preach to people about "The Good Book" in a panicked manner. Then the unknown fire that appears when Yuki's cheese rave commences, came alive and was burning clown wigs, bananas, glasses, men's fake toupee's, hats, more corn for Kagura, and for some reason Anakin Skywalker was burning too...that was until the Sith Lord and his lackeys took him away, and Tohru just sat there and watched poor Anakin being dragged away...she never did like the ending to Star Wars Episode III...

But needless to say, Tohru's hopes of preventing Kagura's mass destruction were dashed away like sand being blown away from your hands...

...that may have been the worst analogy ever created, but I'm not a Gaara fan for nothing.

Meanwhile, Kagura was beating a sunglasses salesmen, when her eyes laid on something special. Corn on a cob, just sitting innocently on the ground in all its golden buttery glory. Kagura speeded towards the corn and grabbed it while smiling maliciously...

Kagura greedily ate every last morsel of that corn...but one corn on a cob wasn't enough...Tohru watched in horror as Kagura ripped them away from people's hands, and from the stands (rhyme!) and continued to feed. Then she ran around the fair dragging poor Tohru with her every step/jump of the way going to any more stands and eating so much unpaid-for-corn. She ate like a barbarian, but she finished off the last kernal, and there was relief from the crowd. But the only one who missed the action was a man in a costume...

A **CORN** costume.

You see, Kai Lockheart was a young fellow who just came out of the university, but with no job. He needed the money to pay for rent, so, for a measly 25 ryo an hour, he had to dress up in a vegetable costume for the fair while handing out flyers. He wanted to wear a _tomatoe _costume. There was none when he went to the locker room. Fuming, he raced out of the locker room to his boss's office (convieniently a few feet away from the fair). He argued with his boss that a tomatoe was a vegetable, NOT a fruit, while the boss tuned him out saying if he had to comlpain he was out of the job.

So Kai had to drag one out of the locker rom. Every oher man there already took out some costumes like squash, carrot, broccoli, etc. There was only one left by the time Kai went over there. And it was a **CORN** costume.

_'I hate corn.'_ Kai thought. Reluctantly, he put it on, grabbed some nearby flyers and went ouside. But only after ten minutes there were two young women who charged at him. Well, only one was charging, the other girl was being dragged. Nope. This was not Kai Lockheart's day at **ALL.**

Kagura attacked Kai, landing on top of him and knawing at his costume. You would think that upon contact, Kagura would transform right? Well, thanks to the corn costume, there was a certain distance between their bodies...fortunate for Kagura, but **_VERRRRY_** misfortunate for Kai though. Kagura chewed through the corn costume while Kai was screaming like a mad man. Tohru tried to get Kagura off of him, but then Kagura accidentally punched Tohru in the face, and she was sent flying. That's when Kagura snapped. She immediately jumped off the poor corn costumed man and ran to Tohru, helping her up while crying,

"OH NO TOHRU! YOU'RE ALL BEATEN UP! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?"

At that instant, everyone thought _'YOU WOULD'_ at the exact same time, which is considered **_VERRRRY_** creepy, but no one seemed to notice. At that given moment, Kai decided to run far far away, while throwing off his costume in the process, to escape the pyscho woman and from the dreaded corn outfit.

At that moment, his boss found an eerily familiar costume underneath his desk.

"Oh so _THIS_ is where that tomatoe suit was!"

If Kai heard that, he would have killed himself.

Not to worry.

He's very much alive.

However, Tohru was still injured and as Kagura was helping her walk, she spotted the abandoned costume. Her eyes glowed red again and she jumped on the costume, knawing it much like before only this time no one was in it. Tohru sighed and dragged the costume away with Kagura clinging to it. When Tohru went home she decided to never never **NEVER** go to **ANY** fair with **ANY** Sohma **EVER** again...

And as for Kai...

"Hi welcome to McDonald's how may I help you?"

He got a new job.

It's at Mc Donald's.

He likes it there.

But then he had a little problem.

"I'd like to order a Big Mac and Meow Mix..."

"Excuse me sir?"

"You heard me."

"I'm sorry sir we don't sell Meow Mix here..."

"Oh...okay then..."

Kai was about to ask the next customer, when he was grabbed by the collar and pulled into a face with boring crimson eyes contrasting with his fiery orange hair. Kai thought he was a demon.

"GIVE...ME...MEOW MIX...I...NEED...IT...NOOOOOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!" Kyo, (in case you didn't figure it out)  
throttled the poor man, and was then pulled away by security, but not before he mauled on the poorly created OC Kai...Obviously Kai was in need of a better job.

"I'LL BE BACK YOU HEAR ME? I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"

And in need of a new home for the matter.

**END! Did you like it? hate it? Wished to burn it? WHATEVER! PLEASE REVIEW IT!**

**And as for my poll...**

**Would you like to see Kai in other misfortunes as more zodiac members assault him?  
Or would you rather him be in this chapter and this chapter alone as I strive to continue my story?**

**I'll see if I can update but it's hard with school and all.**

**Ok, JA NE!**


	4. Chapter 4

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE's CHAPTER 4!  
GUESS WHO IT IS!  
IT'S...

MOMIJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND IF YOU KNOW BUGS BUNNY THEN YOU'LL KNOW WHAT FOOD MOMIJI LIKES!

AND HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S THE DISCLAIMER

Disclaimer : Band geeks are hot does not own Fruits Basket and I am a disclaimer that only lawyers read because besides the fact that I protect the authoress from being sued, I'm a worthless existence...but it's better than living as Kai Lockheart! Yay worthless existence!

Yeah, here's the chapter...oh and for the fans of dirty little secret whom are infuriated because i had the time tp update on another fic besides the beloved princess tutu one fear not for chapter 7 shall be her by november/october! I'm sorry but schoo has me cramped with homeowrk and no social life!!!! please forgive me!!!!!!!

Tohru already went through examples #1-3 of the Sohma family eating binges. But she really had nothing to do, so she thought about example #4 : Momiji Sohma.

Now Tohru knew Momiji had a thing for candy, but when she and Momiji went to the new candy store, she had no idea how doomed she was. You see, Momiji has a bit of a problem...when he eats candy he has a thing people call a sugar rush, but with Momiji it's tenfold. But if a certain orange vegetable is kept out of his view, the world is somewhat safe from the wrath of Momiji. But Tohru has so much to learn...that poor girl...

Yet she won't be the only victim you see...just in a matter of time...

Tohru was being dragged around the city by Momiji, very excited about the opening of a new candy store. She didn't mind at first, thinking she could buy some sweets for her friends, but it was very exhausting to be pulled around by a hyper-active highschooler. When they slowed their pace, they saw a sign that read

**"Ouran's Fine Candy Store : Nothing beats the taste of sweets!"**

Tohru sweatdropped at the sign for it seemed a little too flashy...and big for the matter...it looked like it was 20 feet tall! There were flashing light bulbs and had so much neon lights that it looked like it should be a lighthouse instead of a sign for a candy store...but Tohru remained silent as Momiji only gazed on at the sign in amazement. He ran through the doors, with Tohru in tow. When they stepped inside, there was a sweetening air of candies, you could smell each and every flavor. And boy was there a lot of candy! Gum, chocolate, gummy candies, sours, cinnamons, candy cigaretttes (they EXIST...and not smokeable either, sorry Hatori) and so much more! It was almost too much for Tohru and Momiji. **Key word : Almost**. Something clicked in Momiji's mind, and a pyschotic look was in his eye, which started to twitch.

"C-c-c-candy...so much...CANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Momiji sped off like lightning, grabbing and gorging any candy within his sight...which was a lot. He laughed maniacally and terrorized the other children with candies in their hands. But this was only step one in the madness of Momiji Sohma. He soon finished his feast as Tohru stood there absorbing all what happened in only five minutes. She wouldn't dare to try to stop the hyper rabbit, lest she be plowed, terrorized, or in such a case with a stranger earlier, be mistaken for a sugary sweet and bitten.

Do you know who that poor fellow was? Why, it was Kai Lockheart of course! Due to popular demand, the poor OC has been prepared for each and every chapter of the series! He got a new job to work at a candy store. He had to leave his job at McDonald's because of a neurotic orange headed kid asking for meow mix (guess who). He was excited to work in a candy store, but when Momiji stepped through the store, his doom was written in stone. Being bitten in the leg by Momiji is one thing, but it's only one unfortunate event being played in this chapter...

He tried to stop Momiji during his candy rush, but was bitten as I've typed earlier. He gave up and went back to his post for safety, not realizing he would have been safer if he left the store...

After Momiji seemed to calmed down, Tohru started to drag Momiji out of the store, but had little effect. But when Tohru looked at Momiji in the face, she realized with horror that the pupils in his eyes were getting smaller by the second, and his whole body started to twitch. He was mumbling incoherent words and Tohru started to worry.

"M-Momiji? Are you alright?"

But then something in Tohru's mind clicked, as she realized this is something that many kids go through after having too much sugar...

**_SUGAR RUSH_**

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATOOLAHAHA!"

And Momiji was off.

He was bad when he was eating candy, but being on a sugar rush was worse. He zoomed around the room like a rocket ramming into anyone too stupid enough to leave the store after the first scenario. Which were a lot of people actually. Especially our one and only favorite, Kai Lockheart!

Tohru watched in stupified horror as Momiji was pushing people, cursing at people like a foul mouthed gangsta, and throwing candy at them yelling "ATTACK MY PRETTIES!" Tohru tried to intervene of course, but she couldn't seem to reach him at the speed he was going. He _IS_ the year of the rabbit after all.

When she finally was able to grab his shoulder, Momiji jerked his head around to stare at her with those almost pupiless eyes. And if some of you read volume 19 online, the you would know about Momiji's feelings for Tohru. With his mind destroyed by sugar, thinking that this was his only chance, he smashed his lips with Tohru and proceeded to make out with the confused girl.

_'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MY VIRGIN LIPS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'_ Tohru's thoughts wailed.

This went on for several minutes, and Kai being the fool he is, decided to stay in the store and ignore the sugar rushed hormonal blonde and the brunette make-out victim. He was going to lose his job anyway so he might as well hang out there before the inevitable. He reached for his bento box, and opened it to see a sandwhich, some water and a ziplock bag filled with baby carrot sticks.

_'My favorite snack! Carrot sticks! Maybe this day isn't so bad after all...'_

How wrong he was.

He took a bite from his sandwhich, drank some water, and opened the zip lock picking up one little carrot stick that would lead him to his doom.

Everything was in slow-motion as Kai move the carrot in his mouth. It touched his lips. In slow motion. He opened his mouth. In slow motion. And instead of wondering why he was moving in slow-motion, which was defying the laws of science, he took a slow tentative bite. In SLOW motion.

_**Crunch**_

Momiji's ears perked up and released the make-out victim known as Tohru and his eyes darted to the source of the familiar sound. Tohru looked to her unsuspecting saviour in joy, but paled when she saw what he was eating. A _carrot stick_. Her heart was wrecked with fear and pity, and instead of warning him like the good soul she was, she decided to bolt out of the store to save herself and prayed for the poor victim. She didn't want to stick around to see what would happen to him, and she ran all the way home. Soon after that, she locked herself in her room in a fetal position repeating "find a happy place find a happy place".

She never wanted to go to a candy store with Momiji. Ever.

But let's take a look at Momiji and poor poor poor Kai.

Momiji was in the middle of mauling Kai, and close to biting his thumb off, when he spotted the ziplock bag with the rest of the carrot sticks. He ferociously gobbled each and every last one. Kai was crawling away slowly as to not be noticed, but when he pushed the door open, the little bell on top of the door rang. Momiji looked over to him with a glare to kill.

"Where do you think _you're_ going?"

How Kai hated those little bells that hang on top of the doors at that moment. How he loathed them. He was planning to destroy all bells in the world as his legs were being dragged by the wrathful Momiji to the middle of the store. Momiji hovered over him and held poor Kai down as he eyed him suspiciously. Then Momiji got closer and started to sniff him.

(In the meantime a girl by the age of 15 happened to see through the window of what was going on. But seeing Momiji and Kai in an inapproporiate position, her thoughts went straight to Brokeback mountain and fainted with a slight nosebleed. How wrong and silly she was.)

Momiji continued to sniff Kai, and the poor victim was very nervous.

"What are you doing?"

"You smell like carrots."

"Huh?"

"Only carrots smell like carrots."

"What?"

"People don't smell like carrots. Only carrots do."

"Eh?"

"If you smell like a carrot then you must be a carrot."

"WHAT?"

"And you are feeding off your younglings to receive great power to control the world and destroy all carrots but yourself."

"WHAT THE HECK?"

"I cannot let you do that."

"ARE YOU ON CRACK?"

"And in order to do so I must destroy you."

"WHAT IS IT, HEROINE? C'MON GIVE ME A BREAK!"

"And since you are a carrot...you are edible..."

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE INSANE!"

**"DON'T LET THE CARROT DICTATOR CONTROL US!"**

Kai's mind went blank as Momiji bit into his shoulder while letting out a blood curtling scream. Momiji sank his teeth in deeper, and Kai screamed louder. And when Kai was finally able to break free, his shirt was ripped off in the process and was still in Momiji's mouth.

(The young girl who fainted before stood up to see a shirtless teenaged boy with his missing article of clothing in the mouth of another teengaed boy. Her thoughts went rampant and she fainted again.)

Kai ran to the door, before Momiji leapt towards Kai and was on the floor, tugging at the bottom of Kai's jeans. In a struggle, Kai decided that humiliation was better than being eaten alive as he unzipped his jeans and ran out of the store through the streets clad in his carebear boxers. It was a sight for many to be seen as random, funny, hilarious, scarring, scary, freaking hilarious, distasteful, weird, good enough to be viewed on live television, offensive to the elderly, blinding, and will be posted on the internet thanks to a small 12 year old boy who was currently taking pictures with his phone. Let's hope Kai's mother is a calm, sensible woman...

Momiji just sat there in the store motionless until his consciousness slowly began to rise...his eyes began to droop and Momiji was getting quite sleepy. He slowly walked out of the store in a daze, stepping on the still passed out girl and slowly walked all the way home. He reached the Main house and slept in his bed for a good 12 hours. His memory of the sugar rush incident was completely forgotten and he dreamed of happy things.

However not all was right and well with the rest of the world...at least not with Tohru or Kai.

Tohru still misses her virgin lips which aren't virgin anymore.

Kai was abused, bitten, hungry, humiliated in front of the world, will have pictures of him in his care bear boxers posted on the internet, will have scarred memories, and will be looking for another job again. How sad. At least he makes the Disclaimer way above feel better about its life. And his torture is quite entertaining to most. -Sigh- He'll find a better place someday...

But what about the candy store? One man was distressed the most...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY STORE?!?!?!? MY BEAUTIFUL STORE FILLED WITH WONDERFUL SWEETS TO FEED HAPPY CHILDREN, SEDUCE HARUHI, AND RAISE MONEY FOR THE HOST CLUB!!!"

Tamaki Suoh had just opened his new candy store today and left for only an hour to get lunch, and had returned to his beloved store to see it completely destroyed. And so were the imaginated chances of him being with Haruihi.

"MORIIIIIII! THE CANDY IS GONE! THE CANDY IS GONE!" Hunny cried as he hugged Mori, who comforted him as much he could.

The twins only shook their heads saying,

"Milord this really wasn't a good idea at all."

Tamaki wasn't listening, rather he was still wailiing about his store.

Kyouya only typed into his calculator while shifting his glasses.

"By the looks of this, it will take thousands of dollars to repair. Haruhi there will be 2000 more customers added to your debt."

"WHAT?" Haruihi yelled, finally getting a quote typed by the authoress. Haruhi was standing at the entrance the whole time, contemplating what could have happened and who would have done this. But getting an addition to her debt was not what she had been planning on.

"Well this is partially your fault since you encouraged Tamaki to create the store, while wasting profits."

"How is this _MY_ fault?"

"Let's have a flashback shall we?"

**FLASHBACK**

"HARUHI! YOUR DADDY IS THINKING OF BUILDING A CANDY STORE! WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

"Fine whatever, just let me get back to my studies."

**END FLASHBACK**

"And so this motivated Tamaki to build this store. This is going to cost us money, so your debt has been added. We'll figure out who did this later."

The Host Club members left the scene, and Haruhi hoped that the guy who wrecked the store was struck with lightning (which she actually doesn't like, though she hates thunder) or anything else possibly worse.

But you know what happened?

Akito walked in Momiji's room!

"Rabbit where are you?"

Momiji woke up and rubbed his eyes, then saw Akito's smiling face.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! **CARROT DICTATOR!**"

Akito was then mauled before taken away by Hatori, who gave Momiji Lunesta to fall asleep with.

Haruhi felt strangely satisfied for some reason later that day.

And Tohru never wanted to go outside her room again, until Kyo kicked her door down demanding meow mix.

She was back to normal by then.

How she feared Momiji the next day at school.

After reading all this, the readers were exclaiming with joy that the chapter was finally over, and prepared to write hate reviews for band geeks are hot because her chapter was too long, included the host club whom has nothing to do with Fruits Basket and for dragging on their scene, and for the slight bashing of Akito, which wasn't meant to bash but to be funny.

The End. Over. Done. Finito. Cheese.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuki : DID SOMEONE SAY CHEESE?

BGAH : Oh crap...oh and that 15 year old girl was actually me because I didn't want to insult yaoi fans because I am myself objectible to a few boy on boy sights and jokes, so I decided to makefun of myself since it's that much easier...but still! Oh CRAP! MUST SAVE MYSELF! KYO!

Kyo: -appearing from nowhere- Oi what?!

BGAH : -sprays him with cheese wiz then runs away from scene, with dreadful thoughts of an eaten Kyo...how sad...but he'll be brought back to life because he never got his meow mix from McDonald's-


	5. Chapter 5

**Here is another chapter. I know it's been over 8 months but I've been mucho busy. I can't say much more than that. So sorry!**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Fruits Basket nor do I own Dane Cook.**

Tohru was shopping around town by herself, and from across the street she could see the Pet Store. She shuddered suddenly, remembering another case of _The Sohma Food Habit #5 : **Hatori Sohma**_. I know you readers must be shocked, but believe Tohru and I, even people like Hatori have their crazy antics hidden away. You see, this was a while ago when Tohru was on the streets and bumped into Hatori (no transformation included). A new pet shop had opened and Tohru had been dying to go, which was why she was in town, but she asked Hatori if he wanted to come. Unable to say no to that adorable face, Hatori agreed to go along with her. They came to see a banner saying : **Hideki's Pet Shop - GRAND OPENING!**

Excited, Tohru pulled Hatori inside, while he was being careful not to bump into any women in the store. They walked and viewed all the animals inside, Tohru looking like she's never seen a bunch of animals before even though she lives with the **SOHMAS**. They saw cats, dogs, snakes, mice, hamsters, turtles, all kinds of animals. Hatori, however, was fascinated by the fish tanks where many fish and sea horses were swimming around inside the pretty blue water with castles and pebbles on the bottom. That was when Hatori started sniffing the air and looked to the left wide-eyed. On a shelf there were rows and rows of fish food, all in the cases, all sprinkle sized. Hatori's heart raced and slooooowly a crazed smile graced his usually stoic face. Tohru looked on with growing horror, and instead of doing anything to stop him, she ran and dived in the nearest corner she could find that was at least 15 feet away from Hatori. She had learned her lesson the first four times with the other Sohmas. All she had to do was wait for the madness to begin. It didn't take too long.

Hatori let out a shriek like the sea creature he is and grabbed each fish food shaker on the shelf and poured the sprinkle sized niblets into his mouth. Of course, people tried to stop him. One of them was Kai Lockheart!

Kai had gotten a new job at the pet shop since it was the only place that didn't know of his public humiliation (from chapter four) and that didn't have any candy, sugar, or small sized blondes on rampage. He was rather content and almost happy. The authoress had to fix that. So, when Hatori was guzzling down fish food niblets, Kai tried to intervene.

"SIR! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!?!? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT THAT!" Kai yelled, grabbing Hatori's shoulder. Hatori snapped his head towards him, with eyes of pure pink (you heard me : PINK) that gleamed with insanity and evil. Hatori pushed him away and started shrieking to the other fish in the tanks in a language nobody understood.

**"BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAHHHGOHAYAKABLOOBLAAAAAHBEINAAAAH!"**

At that moment, all the fish jumped out of the tanks and started attacking Kai, trying to see if he tasted like fish food niblets. Which in fact, he kind of did. Kai screamed his lungs out and ran out the door with the sucking fish in tow, flailing his arms like a madman, screaming for help. But nobody listened to him thinking he was crazy, either that, or remembered the last incident with his Care Bear boxers exposed to the world.

Meanwhile, back at the store, there was pure chaos. The fish were attacking the shoppers, the pets, and the ear lobes of Michael Jackson. Yeah. That's what you get for trying to buy rabbits to lure kids to your mansion. In your _FACE_ Michael. Hatori was laughing evilly, still eating the fish food. Why wren't the fish attacking him for the food? Because his shrieking and pink eyes told them that the people were the food! And they believed him! And Tohru wasn't attacked because she pretended to be a fish and was attacking the innocent people. She was put under a spell by those pink eyes. Not really, but she felt like she was. That same fire that broke out during Kagura's AND Yuki's rampage, roared again in all its fiery glory.

Everything was a mess, and soon all the animals broke out of the pet store and were currently running in the streets. It was a surprise for some of the Sohmas that were walking home to see a bunch of animals rampaging through the streets, houses, and stores. Even more so that they saw some of the lucky souls who actually made it out of the store running around with fish still attacking them, screaming like they just missed a sale at Walmart. Hatori was still in his shrieky-pink-eyed state, and was up to the last fish niblet container. He held it like it was his child and slowly chugged it down, while Tohru stopped pretending to be a fish simply because she wanted to be a horse instead. So after a few seconds of contemplating on whether or not to stay with Hatori, she chose to do the right thing - ditch him. It was then that she looked for Rin, where the two spent the whole day running around trying to be horses.

Meanwhile, Hatori was finally finished with his fish food, but then realized his horrible mistake. The fish he sent to attack everyone were now dead due to the lack of water. He looked at his dear soldiers and sniffled before letting out a large wail that shook the earth for a good twenty seconds. Everyone was dizzy after that. Especially Kai Lockheart who had extreme motion sickness and vomited on his brand new sneakers. Nice job Kai, nice job. Hatori sobbed and sobbbed and sobbed, mourning over the losses of his fishy friends. In one desperate attempt of suicide, he took a needle out from under his doctor coat and plunged it into his arm. Fortunately, it was only vaccine that put him to sleep, lying unconscious for a good few hours. Tohru (who was still currently a horse) actually did something nice for once that day and dragged the drugged-up Hatori home, after running around with Rin who had to help drag Hatori too. It was most likely that Hatori would never remember this event, however, Tohru _YET AGAIN_ learned more about _WHY_ she doesn't want to hang out with the Sohmas when it's not at home or in school.

Kai _YET AGAIN_ had to get a new job because he lost his new job in the matter of twenty minutes and he needed money to pay for new sneakers. Wehere was his new job? **BURGER KING**. His brother got him the job. And he was put on the Drive-Thru EVERY NIGHT. One night he used his little headset and asked

"Hi, welcome to Burger King may I take your order?"

The response was rather shocking.

**"MEOW MIXXXXXXX, MEOW MIXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!! I ALSO NEED A LARGE FRY!!!!!!!!!!"**

He thought THAT was bad. But he had worse nights.

"May I have a burger with the pickles, and the carrootttsssss, and the pickles, and the PICKLES, and the CARROTS, and the PICKLES, and the CARROTS, and the **PICKLESSSSSS** and the **CARROTSSSS**!!!!!!!!!"

He couldn't help but to yell "WHAT?Are you trying to molest me via drive-thru what are you saying?!?!?" over the intercom.

"Chicken tenders..._carrot sticks all over my body_..." (Guess who.)

It was at that moment, Kai Lockheart quit his job at Burger King. Maybe he'd be better off unemployed.

**End!**

**I know it took such a long time, and half of you probably hate me or have forgotten of this story. Well at least I put it up. Yes, I know Hatori is really a dragon instead of a sea animal, but I thought it would be funnier this way. Hope you guys enojoyed it!**

**Band Geeks Are Hot**


	6. Chapter 6

**Haven't updated in a while. What else is new? But it's my birthday today. Sixteen. Yay!!!!!!!**

**Warning : Major OOC of course**

**Disclaimer : I do not own Fruits Basket.**

**Chapter 6**

Tohru was taking a walk in the park on a lovely Sunday afternoon when she had a flashback of the last time she was here. It was not fun. In fact it was filed into the The Sohma Food Habit labeled Case # 6 : Hatsuharu Sohma. Most of you have seen Hatsuharu crazy when he became Black and tore up the classroom. That day in the park was worse. Let's flashback again shall we?

* * *

It was at this day, Tohru didn't want to hang out with the Sohmas. She had it with the bunch of them for the week. No, she just wanted a nice walk in the park and to simply enjoy the sunshine. But could she even get that satisfaction? Not on the authoress's watch. Tohru soon spotted a head full of white hair, and thinking it was Hatsuharu, stopped by to say hello for only a few seconds. She did not want to be burdened with a Sohma for a change. When she got there, fate was not smiling upon Tohru Honda. Oh no. Tohru had arrived to see Hatsuharu passed out on the grass, his bike only a few feet away. Torn between getting the hell out of there or checking to see if he was okay, Tohru swallowed that tiny lump of fear developed by the Sohmas, and cautiously waved a hand over his face, asking, 

"Hatsuharu-san? Are you alright?" She hoped he'd still be asleep and thinking that he would be fine, be able to get on with her day Sohma-less. However just when she was about to pull her hand away and leave, Hatsuharu's hand clutched around her wrist and pulled her onto the grass next to him. Tohru was surprised and struggled, but Haru's grip was strong. Which is why the Sohmas refer to it as Haru's grip of **DOOM**.

"Dandelions..." Haru muttered.

"What the fugnugget...?" Tohru was too good for cussing! But if there was a time she would cuss, it would have been now.

"Where...where did all the dandelions go...?" Haru muttered again, and sat up eyes glazed with fatigue.

"Hatsuharu-san, you should go back to sleep!" said Tohru, who had managed sucessfully to escape Haru's grip of **DOOM**. Of course, that was only because Haru saw a patch of dandelions about ten feet away.

But Tohru remained rooted to the spot when she witnessed something most people shouldn't see. Ever.

It started out silly, since Hatsuharu was on all fours and chewing dandelions while making the sound effect of **'moooooo'**, but then it was a bit more brutal. His hunger turned this into a dandelion massacre. His face resembled that of Black Haru, and the image he provided as he feasted on the dandelions was a T-Rex devouring innocent, smaller, plant eating dinosaurs. It was almost as if Tohru stepped inside Jurassic Park. But she never saw that movie more than twice.

Soon, Hatsuharu was no longer with the rest of the world. Oh no. He was in 'Hatsuharu's land of happy dandelions and people that are edible', aka **H.L.O.H.D.A.P.T.A.E.** Try pronouncnig _THAT_, you book worms. He ripped out the dandelions and devoured every single one, including the roots. When a yong boy and his mother passed by, he took one look at them before screaming "**FOOD**!!!" and chased after the two. The two had escaped when Hatsuharu saw another patch of dandelions and raced towards them. And thus, the dandelion massacre continued.

Tohru heard all the screams from the dandelions as they were eaten, since Tohru spoke dandelion. Yes it WAS a language. In fact, Tohr trained herself to speak Dandelion, Rose, Houseplant, Flower, Fruit, Cactus, and less importantly, Fungi! You didn't think she spent time in Yuki's garden for **nothing** did you? Tohru was saddened by the dandelions' horrible cries, and was thus motivated to stop Haru's madness. If it were any other plant that day, she would have been smart and ditched him to run around like a horse with Rin like in chapter five, but NOPE, only for dandelions would she risk her life! She ran towards Hatsuharu with a look of determination, a face of a true warrior. Only to skid to a halt when Hatsuharu turned to glare at her which made her want to run away crying like a little kid who got bitch-slapped with a fly swatter. And THAT hurts. But Tohru held her ground, looked Haru straight ni the eye and said,

"Leave the dandelions alone, Hatsuharu-san!" Hatsuharu did not dig this. At all. However, he was still inside **H.L.O.H.D.A.P.T.A.E**, so he charged at her, like a lion about to pounce. This time, Tohru did run away crying like a little kid who got bitch-slapped with a fly swatter. But there was no help for her now. Hatsuharu landed on top of her and did a most unforgiveabe act. He bit her arm. And _THAT_ hurt _worse_ than being bitch slapped by a fly swatter. But Tohru's deepest secret was finally revealed! It was not known in chapter two since she smelled like bacon, but in fact, she tastes like apple pie! And she knows EVERYBODY **loves** APPLE PIE. Becuase the Sohma had to blow THEIR secret DID NOT mean she had to tell hers! But now it was too late. Hatsuharu bit her other arm. Also tasted like apple pie. Tohru was now officially pissed off. She kicked Hatsuharu off her, and punched him in the **FACE**. Tohru could be strong when she wanted to be. And fast. And coawrdly. All at once. She took off, faster than a speeding bullet. But was that too fast for a crazy Hatsuharu? Of course not.

"BITCH, COME BACK HERE SO I CAN EAT YOU!"

Of course _anyone_ would listen and come back for _that_. But not Tohru. She ran as far as her skinny legs could carry her, and accidentally bumped into a guy around her age. He was vaugely familiar, but she didn't have the time to care or apologize. She kept running, leaving the poor guy confused. Hey...we know this guy! It's Kai Lockheart! Hooray!

"I just felt a chill..." But that poor kid kept on walking, walking in the same direction Hatsuharu was running! Unaware of the iminent danger, Kai kept walking happily, humming an unknown tune that he probably made up himself with all his free time job-less. And do you know what he had in his hand? I'm sure you do. Why, it was a pocket knife! Oh no, just kidding, it was actually a dandelion! Now I'm sure to explain everything, and not make it seem like he only held it so he can be tortured. Let me begin.

Kai was having a wonderful day. Hence my being here. But he also was going to visit his sick mother in the hospital. She hated flowers, but was always fond of dandelions. She always liked them, and didn't consider them as weeds. I mean, who the hell decided tulips or petunias were so great. Since you can't buy those suckers at a store, Kai picked up a few dandelions, hoping to cheer his mother up. He just happened to be not at the wrong place at the wrong time, but the worst place at the worst time. As if on cue, Hatsuharu blindly ran and Kai wasn't paying attention so-

(Crumples cup) Cheezit! Stupid commercial! IT TOLD ME TO DO THIS OTHERWISE IT WOULD TAKE MY GAMEBOYS! (all three of them, sob!)

- they collided into eachother and caused a mini explosion about 25 feet from both of them. But regretfully, no fatalities. When the smoke cleared, Kai was in a stranglehold and Hatsuharu harrassed him for the dandelions. It didn't take him long. Hatsuharu got what he wanted, and even bit Kai's hand for good measure. But his hand tasted like smoke from the explosion. So it wasn't good. Not like Tohru's arm. Or like the sweet tasting dandelions with their fragrant scent, their yellow petals that ensured the sweetness, the-

As Hatsuharu day-dreamed about dandelions, Kai ran away at that point, screaming at the top of his lungs. He was mortified as usual, and just felt like killing himself. But he's not suicidal. He's just having a sucky day, that's all...for the third time this week. But many miles away he picked up a couple of dandelions only to realize that the hospital was now over 100 blocks to get to. His day officially got suckier. But he trudged on those 112 blocks (I did say over 100) and was glad to make it to the hospital. He went to the clerk and asked for his mother's room, and unwittingly believed the nurse's guess and went straight to room 207 - B. That room was not empty, do not be mistaken. But a certain Sohma was resting there since he/she was attacked by Momiji twochapters ago and instead of the Sohma House, she was being taken care of in the hospital.

Akito was pissed enough as is. Akito hated being somewhere outside the Sohma House, especially these white walls filled with old sick and dying people with their crappy cable and gross food. But Akito's day was not gong to be any brighter, especially when Kai walked into the room. Kai had his eyes closed, smiling and shoved the dandelions into Akito's hands.

"There you go mom!" Kai was expecting a smile and a hug when he opened his eyes. What he got was the opposite.

**"Get those weeds away from me, you freak!"**

Kai was broken out of his reverie to see an angry patient who looked nothing like his mother yellnig at him and throwing his dandelions in his face.

"Get out of my room you care-bear loving psycho!"

Akito recognized this guy from the niternet. She did **NOT** want to be in the same room as that whack-job. So she grabbed an empty vase that was next to her and threw it at his head. More specifically his face. On the right cheek. She got target practice from that throw to use it on Yuki a New Year's banquet later. Kai ran out of there with his dandelions and collapsed to the floor. his day was simply terrible. And Akito watched OPRAH for the rest of the day, still moody after that visit from that creepy guy. What a psycho he was.

But back to Hatsuharu. After he ate his fill of dandelions and some bites of people, he grew tired and retreated to where he was laying before being awakened by Tohru. His bike miraculously was still there and had not been stolen. The sky was as blue as ever with the sun still shining. Everything was perfect...except for the poor victims that had experienced and witnessed this 27 minute event. But they slowly got back to their lives. All was well until Kyo was jogging in the park and spotted a head full of white hair. He trotted over to Hatsuharu and said,

"Oi Haru, wake up before you get mugged..." But Kyo was pulled down by his wrist, being trapped in Haru's grip of **DOOM**. Kyo was pulled down to face Haru whose eyes had opened slightly.

"Dandelions..." He muttered.

"What the hell?" Kyo was always one for cussing! Bad Kyo!

"Where did all the dandelions go...?"

Not realizing that the horrific event that happened 27 minutes ago was about to re-occur, Kyo sat there speechless, and was released by Haru's grip of **DOOM** when he saw a singe dandelion that had been missed in the brutal massacre. Kyo turned to yell at Hatsuhau before realizing that this was dandelions Haru was muttering about. But it was too late for him to run when he was met with Haru's glare.

"Oh shit..."

From a distance you could hear a loud cry from a teenager, and if you spoke dandelion, some more screams of terror.

**End!!! Sorry for the long update but I hope you all liked it!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey sorry for the wait and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! (and review)**

**This person might shock you.**

**It is the one and only - Akito!**

Meow Mix Zodiac Adventures Chapter 7

Dear readers, this chapter will have nothing to do with Tohru Honda. Don't be discouraged, she will have many discomforts from here on. But this is a special chapter, because this is a special secret case! **#7 Akito Sohma**. Everyone fears, pities, or just plain don't know Akito Sohma! But there is one thing most of you don't know about her. The one thing that can make her crack that has nothing to do with her family is this magical sweet we call : a marshmellow.

Akito loves those little white puffs of heaven! She binges on them, secretly of course, night and day which is half the reason she isn't healthy! Silly junkie Akito! But like all the other Sohmas, her precious marshmellows make her crazy. Want to know why she REALLY went insane and made Yuki's life horrible as a child? (including everyone else in the near future) Let's have a look at these moments in different time spans about Akito and her marshmellows!

Akito was only a young girl when one day her father Akira gave her a bag filled with weird white puff balls.

"Otou-san, why is there cotton in this bag, and what's a...a," Akito had a hard time pronouncing the word, " Ma-mar-marshmellow...?"

Akira just laughed at his child's innocent ignorance and said, "Those are sweets, and I bought them just for you."

Akito blushed and mumbled "Thank you Otou-san..."

Akito then ran to her room, making sure nobody was there, and slowly opened the bag. First she thought about sharing these with her father, but he did say he bought them just for her. She should respect his wishes. She cautiously took one out of the bag at ate it. She smiled in ecstasy at the sugary sweetness. she never had anything like this before. So she popped another one into her mouth, chewming and mumbling "mmmmm" every so often. And then another. And another. And ANOTHER. And then she went to the bathroom. Then she had another, and pretty soon within fifteen minutes the whole bag was gone.

"There's no more..." Akito mumbled sadly...and then her face grew fierce. "I must have more..."

"OTOU-SAN!!!" Akito cried, hoping her father would show in 3..2..1...

"Yes Akito?"

"Where can I get moreee..uhmmm," Akito tried pronouncing it in her head first, "...marshmellows?"

Akira chuckled at his determined daughter, "You buy them at the supermarket Akito. But I'm afraid you might have had too many in one day. We'll get another bag next week okay, honey?"

"Okay..." Akito grumbled. But Akira simply patted Akito on the head and walked away, leaving Akito to her childish games...or evil schemes as of this moment.

"If Outo-san can't get me marshmellows now, I'll just have to buy them myself."

Akito had a fire in her eyes and determination swept across her face. Running once again into her room, she grabbed ahold of her precious piggy bank.

"Sorry Mr. Piggums, but I need the marshmellows..." Rather heartlessly, she threw it onto the floor, watching it shatter into dozens of pieces almost maliciously. She scouraged for the change like a demon, and made sure to not get cut by the pieces. And to think of someone else to blame it on. Like Ritsu. Everyone would be forced to accept his apology without punishment. And...well he would probably cry about it anyway. But that's not the case. Akito held in her hands two dollars and forty-nine cents. That should do it.

Akito put on her thickest kimono in case it got too cold outside, and made sure to put pillows in her bed to make it look like she was sleeping. Quietly she tiptoed out of her room, always looking around to see if anyone noticed her, and safely made it out of the Main House. She made it about three blocks and all was well until she heard a loud cry,

"_Hell-oooo Akito-san_!"

'Oh no...' Akito thought.

It was the last person she wanted to see. The noisiest of all the Zodiac members, even more annoying than the Momiji toddler! It was...**Ayame Sohma**.

"...Hi Ayame-san..." Akito muttered, trying to walk around him, but the exuberent teenager side-stepped in front of her.

"What is such a darling girl like you outside? Aren't you still a little weak? My, you look lovely today! You must try out one of my kimonos one day I'm sure you'll look marvelous-"

"Ayame-san I really need to go now-" Poor Akito was trying to get past him, but Ayame wouldn't let her pass, oblivious to her discomfort, and still talking non-stop.

"-and you should really dress like a girl more often, you know Shigure would love to see you in something so beautiful and-"

Ayame's throat was suddenly clutched by Akito's small, but strong hand.

**"What did you say about Gure-nii?"** at the words 'Gure-nii' she squeezed harder at his throat, and Ayame couldn't get a word in. "Don't ever talk about Gure-nii in front of me again. You big-mouth." When she saw fit, Akito released her hold on Ayame's throat and ran past him into the streets.

Of course, she realized that she didn't know HOW to get to the Supermarket. So she was lost. A little scared, but mostly annoyed, she sulked on the sidewalks, hoping for some miracle. But then she saw it.

**Higurashi Supermarket**

Akito's eyes sparkled with excitement and she ran inside the store, giddy like a schoolgirl. She looked in each aisle, either oblivious or ignoring the stares of the adults, slightly concerned that a child was in the supermarket alone. Along the way she passed by a couple of weird kids.

In Aisle One with the desserts, there was a boy not too much younger than her yelling "Let's get cake! Let's get cake! Bun-Bun likes cake!" while waving a stuffed bunny around. Akito shuddered at the fact that this boy resembled Momiji a tad too much.

Aisle Two had some grey haired boy with a normal kimono too, though what's weirder than his hair were his ears on his head. He was yelling at some kid who looked like his sister, but the voice was deep, so Akito dubbed him a boy. Next aisle!

Aisle Three had a group of teens with a flying...what _is_ that thing? Some kind of white rabbit? They wer muttering something about a 'feather'. Whatever. No marshmellows here either.

In Aisle Four, there was a toddler trying to reach for something that his mother was encouraging him to steal. Wow, Akito sure wished she had a mom like that.

In Aisle Five there were two blonde parents holding a blonde baby (no surprise there) with weird whiskers on his face. Akito hoped that was paint.

Aisle Six had...a yellow duck flapping around next to a little boy with a wooden sword yelling at it. No marshmellows there, thank goodness.

Aisle Seven didn't have marshmellows, but it had random strangers, and a little baby boy grabbing something, and having everything fall on him. It's mother was yelling "Kai not again!!" Poor unfortunate baby.

In Aisile Eight, there were two small boys chasing eachother with their mom yelling after them, and then they put their hands on the ground...and a giant tuna can grew in a blue light. Okaaaaaaaay. Marshmellows, NOT there.

_'And I thought **MY** family was weird...'_ Akito thought after seeing all these odd strangers.

Finally, in Aisle Nine Akito saw candy and bags of the delicious puff balls. Marshmellows found! When Akito went for one of the bags, she saw a smaller hand grab for one. Akito glared daggers at the small brunette, and roughly pulled out the one she had in her hands.

"U-Uhmmm Mommy needs that bag!" the small girl mumbled

"Well I need the marshmellows. Get lost."

"B-but..."

"Tohruuuu!" called a woman with reddish hair. "Tohru did you get the marshmellows?" Kyoko strode towards Tohru and rabbed a bag of them next to her. "Well here we have them! Let's go Tohru!" Kyoko pulled on the hand of a stuttering Tohru, almost dragging her away. When Tohru looked back, she waved to Akito wiith a smile.

'_...I hope that girl falls off a cliff one day!'_ Akito was mildly surprised at the wave. Not that she didn't like the kindness...she was only in the way of her marshmellows.

With her marshmellow bag in hand, Akito set off for a counter with a nonexistent line. When she threw the bag on the counter, the clerk gave her an odd look.

"One bag of marshmellows please..." Akito handed him the money and was smiling, happy to have her marshmellows.

"...I'm sorry you don't have enough change."

The smile was gone in a flash.

"What?"

"You're thirty cents short little girl."

"B-but I...I..." Akito just couldn't believe it. She started to cry, oh WHY didn't she pickpocket Ayame when she could have! Akito sobbed, making the clerk vey uncomfortable.

"I...I guess thirty cents won't kill me...here you go young lady." And the clerk smiled as he gave her the bag.

The smile returned!

"Thank you!" Akito skipped away from the clerk, and out into the streets.

* * *

She ran home, hoping to not be caught, or be forced to talk to Ayame again. Running to the gates, she assumed she safely made it, and dashed into her room. she was about to rip the bag open and consume her sweets when she heard a knock on her door. In a struck of fear, akito jumped on the bed and shoved the marshmellows under her pillow. 

"Come in..." Akito drawled, trying to sound tired whlist rubbing her eyes.

Akira entered with a calm smile on his face.

"How's my little child?"

"okay...I only took a nap..." Akito faked a yawn.

"Oh really...that's not what this young man told me..."

And in came Ayame, in all his shining glory.

_'...I will torture any of his loved ones or siblings for the rest of their lives for this...'_

And Akito kept that promise when her father had died.

* * *

Akito sobbed in her room wearing her black kimono and ate a marshmellow for every tear she had. 

Ren burst into the room and viewed the scene.

"You don't need those sweets anymore, child. I'll be sure to tell the maids to clean out the whole room so there won't be any more of these...marshmellows to rot your teeth." Ren's voice dripped with venom as she took the bag away from Akito, and slammed the door shut, locking the poor girl in her room.

Aktio officially snapped.

"Black...the world is black..." Akito continued painting the room black with a delirious look on her face as Yuki only stared at her confused.

And the madness began.

So Yuki really has Ayame to thank for all those years of chld abuse and scarring memories.

But let's not tell him that.

* * *

Presently, Akito still sneaks in marshmellows. Let's have a look. 

"All done Akito. You haven't improved, but your still healthy as you were last week."

"Good...take your leave Hatori." Hatori bowed and did so, stepping out of the room.

"You too Kureno...you can go outside today..." Kureno appeared shocked, but nonetheless left the room to breathe in the fresh air as well.

Five minutes later, Akito ran to the other side of the room, opening her closet to reveal packages upon packages upon packeges filled with marshmellows. Akito grabbed one and sat in the middle of the room, eating as many of them as she could. She smiled, laughed, giggled, and sang as she ate these wonderful sweets. She thought she should invite Hatsuharu for some of these one day.

She heard they were made from cattle.

**End bwahahahahahaahhahahahahaha!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey sorry for the wait and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!**

**Here it is! This one is Ayame!**

**Next up should be...hmm...Kisa, since Tohru met her next! Actually how about I list everybody in the order I'll do them that way everyone knows. It ruins surprise but I think you guys deserve the knowledge of Tohru's next harassors. xD**

**Next : Kisa**

**Then : Hiro**

**Then : Ritsu**

**Then : Rin**

**Then : Kureno (the last zodiac member! gasp!)**

**My chapters are numbered, dear readers!**

Meow Mix Zodiac Adventures Chapter 8

It was a chilly day during April. Somehow this kind of day reminded Tohru of the first time she met Ayame. The beautiful man with charisma, confidence, a sparkling personality, as well as a creativity in his clothesline; he was a kind of man who leaves a long lasting impression. Tohru is usually either flustered or awed by Ayame, almost sympathetic when he can't reach out to his little brother more often. But then again...Tohru shuddered. There was one time where Ayame had definately lost his mind. Yuki never forgave him for that time either. It was when both of them had transformed at the same time. A snake and a mouse. Horrible, horrible combination. Most of you readers know why, but for others that don't let me explain. When people have pet snakes, sometimes they feed them the food the owner told them to give them. Some of that food includes mice. Getting the picture? It was unknown to everyone in the tiny Sohma house how terribly wrong it was for the two of them to be together once they've transformed. And so we begin our short and slightly disturbing tale of **Case #6 : Ayame Sohma**.

It was a nice quiet and peaceful day at the Sohma house. Just like how pigs fly and blue ducks walk around on Sunday mornings. Yuki and Kyo were sending off more of their malicious aura than usual. Why? Because Ayame was visiting of course! Yuki and Kyo ignored his blabbering and sat there in their own gloom. At least Tohru was there with them, looking very intensely and seeming to be listening. And she was...kinda.

_'It's wonderful to see Ayame here, but...DARN IT DOESN'T HE HAVE HIS OWN HOME TO VISIT?!? He has a store to watch! I love seeing him, and it's nice to hear him and Shigure talk about their experiences, but I wanted to go out to the grocery store today and buy onigiri to eat myself in the park! But with Ayame here, I can't really go out without everybody coming along like it's a circus! Sigh...'_

"And then I marched up right to that man and said, 'Every man has a urge, and urge of desire, you yourself a male should know that and that's WHY you shouldn't deny my urge to peek inside the womens' sauna!-"

"**WHAT?!!?!?"** Yuki and Kyo yelled in unison. Oh yes. They only hear the vulgar parts in Ayame's conversation.

"-To view the wonders of nature at it's finest, surely a man like you could understand the beauty of that of a woman's perfect figure,even without any cloth to shield her magnificent body, when I was a young boy I dreamed of the moon and the stars and made a promise to myself to design clothes as beautiful as those stars, and whenever I see a woman in all her nude glory, I imagine the same night sky with the moon and stars!!! So then-"

"PEEKING IN A WOMEN'S SAUNA IS AGAINST THE LAW!" Yuki cried.

"Oh dear brother, it is but a desire, I'm sure you have felt that same desire whenever Tohru showered."

It was then Ayame earned two bumps on the head and was thrown out into the cold February wind. Ayame quickly changed form and was now a snake trying to escape into the house.

Tohru was surprised to see another poof of smoke and a little grey mouse on the floor in a pile of clothes. That poor boy must have been so flustered (and angry) at Ayame, he simply transformed! Kyo started laughing at Yuki, earning them into an argument and Shigure was trying to tell them not to break the house. Tohru just sat there. However, it was at that moment that ayame somehow made it inside the house. An eerie silence came over everyone suddenly. Ayame stared at Yuki. Yuki stared back. Ayame slithered closer to Yuki. Yuki took a step back. Ayame's eyes had a new spark to them; a spark of animal predatory instinct. With a loud non-Ayame-like hiss, the snake lunged at Yuki, while he dodged and scampered away, still being in his rat form.

"Ayame!!!" Shigure scolded, but the snake didn't listen.

"BROTHER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?!? STOP CHASING ME YOU BIG IDIOT!!!"

The snake continued to chase the poor mouse until Tohru picked Yuki up, holding him in the palm of her hand. Ayame hissed at Tohru and made another leap (which made Tohru scream her head off) before Kyo grabbed him by the tail and threw him against the wall, knocking him out cold. However, he transformed and Tohru accidentally threw Yuki into the air, and he fell on the table. Another transformation. Kyo grabbed her yelling in a high pitched female voice,

"SHIELD YOUR EYES!" and leaped back, taking her with him. Only now he turned into a cat. But two seconds later he poofed back...without any clothes either. Tohru was too disturbed and ran out of the room, once again screaming her head off!

_'TOO MUCH MALE HAREM!'_

...Maybe Tohru read one of Saki's shoujo manga...

Shigure, in amidst of all the madness, only sat there and wept over the minor destruction of his house. Yuki bothered to put on clothes, but nobody seemed to care about the nude unconscious 27 year old in the living room. Eventually Shigure dragged him into another room along with his clothes, and Kyo had already transformed back and had changed clothes too. Tohru was still running around in the streets, and eventually hung out with Rin running around like horses again. If you guys care, later on that day (still avoiding the Sohma home) she went over to Hatruharu and sat around mooing like cows. They had fun.

Once Ayame woke up two hours later, he was personally thrown out of the house by his precious younger brother. Only fifteen minutes he was walking, and he suddenly transformed due to the chilly weather. But at that moment Kai Lockheart was walking home with his new pet - a mouse! He saw the movie 'Ratatoullie' and decided to buy a mouse from a a different petstore than the one where some psycho lead an army of fish. He was hoping that somehow, someway, he could become a famous chef with the help of that furry little gray mouse in the cage. Then Kai stepped on something white and skinny. To his horror, he saw that it was a snake! Ayame did NOT like being stepped on and made the notion to bite the heel of the attacker. Kai screamed, and accidentally dropped his cage. Ayame saw the mouse, and animal instincts took over. He forced himself into the cage and consumed the little mouse. Haha, Kai. HAHA.

Kai passed out from the stress and Ayame transformed back in the nude, changes his clothes, and looked around suspiciously before running off. Good job Ayame. You did somethiing right for once in your life. Kudos.

After that memory, Tohru wondered if Ayame and Yuki would ever get along. Or if she'd hopefully never see them all nude again. Her poor virgin eyes!

Ayame not only falls to a man's instinct, but to animal's instinct as well.

How sad, but not surprising.

**End of the chapter! Yay!**


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